3 months

It's been three months and 3 days since my surgery.  It still seems unreal.  I doubted if I would even be approved for the surgery, let alone have it and being on the road to getting healthy.  I've come a long way, but I can't let that stop me from going even farther. 

I've been letting crap food sneak back into my diet.  I've told myself a few bites of a cheese steak here, a slice of pizza there...  it's fine.  Except that it's not.  I've had a food addiction for a long time.  Food soothes me.  When I was upset, bored, tired, happy, food was there.  It made me feel better until it didn't anymore.  And then I'd add in more food.  It's an unhealthy relationship that I'm working on breaking.  Except I feel like it will always be there.  This is not a diet, it's a lifestyle.  Those who say surgery is the easy way out are DEAD WRONG.  I work every single day.  The diet, the fluids, the exercise, it consumes me. 

Those that may be thinking about having this surgery, please don't do it if you doubt you can keep up with it.  It is a constant thing that you have to work on.  It's my life.  You have to do it for YOU.  If you're thinking about doing it for anyone other than yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure.  My husband and my kids played a large part in my decision, but mainly I did it for myself.  So I could get down and play with my kids, not the other way around.  My kids loved me when I weighed 324 pounds and they love me now.  In fact, they haven't even noticed my weight loss. 

This is harder than a diet.  If I overeat on a diet I kicked myself and either moved on or stopped the diet all together.  I cannot do that with this.  If I overeat I feel ill.  I may pay for it for a day or two.  It reminds me that I never want to feel that way again.  It's physical pain, not just mental. 

I know I've said this before, but I'm going to beat a dead horse.  Exercise is a huge part of this journey.  I don't want saggy skin.  I really cannot have surgery to remove it so exercise is my only option.  I lift weights at the gym.  I do crunches.  I've challenged myself to start interval training.  I've begun doing the elliptical machine.  I may only be able to do these things for 2-3 minutes, but it's better than NOT doing them at all.  Not having time to exercise is not an excuse.  If I have time to be on facebook, I have time to exercise.  One does not have to join a gym.  There are PLENTY of exercises that can be done with your body alone.  Equipment is not necessary.  Get down on the floor and do some crunches.  Go for a walk outside (the cold isn't an excuse either, bundle up).  Do a plank!  Do something!  Get your body moving! 

This is not directed at anyone except myself.  I'm writing this so I can come back and read it on the days where I want to stay in bed all day and not do a thing except eat popcorn and sleep all day.